How Can I Support My Teen at Mealtimes During Eating Disorder Recovery?

Written by Cristina Luibil, MS, RD, LDN with support from Sabrina Stadelman.

Mealtimes are the most important and most difficult part of recovery. As a parent, you will be taking much more responsibility for preparing meals and making sure your teen is eating. Your teen will be experiencing fear and anxiety around eating, but you may also feel stress or anxiety around mealtimes. These feelings are normal, and it’s important to remember that this isn’t you or your teen’s fault. With your support, mealtimes will eventually start to feel easier again. 

What Can I Expect At Mealtimes During Eating Disorder Recovery?

During eating disorder recovery, parents will take on much more responsibility. This will not be easy. Your teen will be experiencing fear and anxiety around mealtimes, and this will likely make them resist eating. This can lead to tension, frustration, and emotional outbursts. This can be difficult to manage, and it’s important to provide support, compassion, and understanding, but you must also hold firm that your teen needs to eat all their meals and snacks for their recovery. 

How Can I Use Mealtimes to Connect with my Teen During Eating Disorder Recovery?

Focus on using mealtime as a way to connect and enjoy time together as a family. Avoid commenting on food and body size, not only in relation to the teen, but in relation to anyone. Take the attention away from triggering topics of food or eating habits. 

During mealtimes, focus on topics like school, friends, family vacations, work, future dreams and goals. Don't comment on what or how much a teen (or anyone) is eating, and don't put pressure on them or threaten them to eat. Avoid commenting on these topics for anyone else at the table as well. 

In eating disorder recovery, it's important for your teen to eat enough to support renourishment and nutrition rehabilitation. It's important to understand that eating is not easy for recovering teens. Although teens need to meet their energy needs in recovery, pressuring or threatening them to eat isn’t helpful. Teens with eating disorders already experience extreme stress and anxiety at meals. The goal is also to help meals and eating feel enjoyable again. Taking the attention away from food and/or body is key to making mealtimes a less stressful experience for your teen. 

What Should I Do When Mealtimes Become Difficult in Teen Eating Disorder Recovery?

There will be times throughout eating disorder recovery when mealtimes become very difficult and emotional. In these moments, it can be helpful to take a pause. While you must hold the boundary that the meal is not finished, it can be helpful to take a break and take some of the attention away from the food. Light distractions, such as TV, music, games, or conversation may help to lessen anxiety. If your teen is still struggling, provide encouragement. Some examples of things you can say are:

• “I understand this feels hard, but I know you can do this.”

• “I understand you don’t want to, but your body needs this. I’m right here with you.”

• “Let’s just focus on taking one bite at a time.”

• “You don’t have to like this, but you can get through it. I’m here for you.”

What Should I Avoid Saying During Mealtimes in Eating Disorder Recovery?

When offering support, you might want to reassure your teen that their fears around eating won’t come true, but this is actually the wrong approach. Avoid saying things like:

• “It’s not that much,” in regards to what they’re eating

• “You won’t gain weight from this,” or “You need this to gain.” 

• Don’t try to use logic to debate fears. Your teen doesn’t need logic, they need safety. (And honestly, the eating disorder brain usually can’t comprehend logic because it is so malnourished.)

Trying to debate fears with logic is unhelpful and can even make mealtimes harder. By doing this, you’re reminding your teen of their fears around eating, which can only make them more anxious and resistant to eating. Instead, focus on the meal at hand. Try your best to stay calm and steady. Keep clear expectations that the meal isn’t optional while also letting your teen know that you will be there for them, even when it feels hard. 

What Do I Do if the Meal Breaks Down During Eating Disorder Recovery?

If the meal completely “breaks down” or emotions take over during recovery, remember that this doesn’t mean that you’ve failed. Recovery is a process, and sometimes it will ebb and flow. Instead, talk with your treatment team about what happened and what adjustments you might be able to make. Continue to provide consistent support at mealtimes, as this is important for helping your teen to begin to feel safe around food and eating again. 

Mealtimes are one of the most difficult parts of recovery, but also the most important. As a parent, your support at mealtimes will be the stability they need not only for helping them recover physically, but also for helping them to feel safe around food and eating again. Every time you sit with your teen during meals and offer support, you’re modeling a healthy relationship with food and creating an environment where they feel safe and supported.

If you’re looking for support for a teen struggling with an eating disorder, Aterra Nutrition offers virtual nutrition counseling and support for eating disorder recovery with a registered dietitian. We offer one-on-one nutrition counseling for those in DC, Maryland, Virginia, West Virginia, New Jersey, and Michigan. Learn more about the eating disorder services Aterra Nutrition offers on our website at aterranutrition.com.

About the Author

Cristina Luibil, MS, RD, LDN specializes in eating disorder recovery and Intuitive Eating for teens and adults. Aterra Nutrition provides virtual nutrition counseling for those in DC, Maryland, Virginia, West Virginia, New Jersey, and Michigan. This post was researched and written in conjunction with Sabrina Stadelman, dietetics student and nutrition assistant at Aterra Nutrition. Learn more about the whole team at aterranutrition.com/about.

Disclaimer: The information shared in this blog is for general educational and informational purposes only. It may not be tailored to your specific health needs as it is written here. This content is not intended to replace personalized medical advice, nutrition counseling, or medical nutrition therapy. Any recipes or suggestions provided are meant to inspire and should be used at your discretion. Always consult with your own registered dietitian, physician, or healthcare provider before making changes to your nutrition, lifestyle, or treatment plan. If you choose,

Aterra Nutrition would be happy to help you in your individual nutrition and Intuitive Eating goals.