What Shouldn't You Say to a Teen with an Eating Disorder?

Written by Cristina Luibil, MS, RD, LDN with support from Sabrina Stadelman.

Eating disorders are complex mental health conditions and can be difficult to talk about, both for the person struggling and for friends and family who want to support them. It’s important to be mindful of what to say and not say, especially to a teen who is struggling with an eating disorder. Words matter a lot, and there are some specific things to avoid. There are also ways you can be mindful of language to offer positive support.

Why Do Words Matter So Much When a Teen Has an Eating Disorder?

Words matter when talking to a teen with an eating disorder, because they are already dealing with a lot in their mind and body. With eating disorders come feelings of vulnerability, shame, and confusion. It’s important to know that words that seem supportive or like compliments can actually be harmful. Comments about eating habits, food choices, body weight, or shape are especially harmful - even if not directed at the teen suffering. For the teen, even being in the vicinity of this type of conversation can lead to re-engagement of eating disorder behaviors. Avoid commenting on these topics, even if your comments are well-meaning.

What Should You Avoid Saying to a Teen with an Eating Disorder?

Avoid any mention of body weight or shape (theirs or others’), dieting or restricting foods, and your own diet-related health issues or concerns. Be aware of any language that puts pressure on the teen to eat or criticizes what they are or are not eating.

Diet talk is often a part of everyday conversation in our culture, making it hard to recognize. Comments we think are innocent can have negative consequences. Examples of these types of comments include:

• "This steak is so fatty,"

• "I'm so full! I could never eat that much!"

• "That dessert looks delicious, but I really shouldn't."

  
  

To most of us, these are phrases that we may hear all the time. For a teen with an eating disorder, they can lead them to feel guilt or shame surrounding what or how much they're eating. Labeling foods as "good" or "bad", "healthy" or "unhealthy" is also harmful for a teen struggling with restrictive behaviors.

What Can You Say To Your Teen Instead?

The most important thing to communicate to your teen is that you are there for them no matter what. If you’re unsure of what to say, reassure them by letting them know that you are here to listen and support them, even if you can’t fully understand. Eating disorders are very isolating, so it’s important for them to know they’re not alone. Learn more about how to help your teen recovery from an eating disorder.

How Should You Handle Mealtimes With a Teen Who Has an Eating Disorder?

Focus on using mealtime as a way to connect and enjoy time together as a family. Avoid commenting on food and body size entirely, not only in relation to the teen, but in relation to anyone. Take the attention away from triggering topics by focusing on topics like school, friends, family vacations, work, future dreams and goals. This makes meals more enjoyable and less triggering for your teen. Don't comment on what or how much a teen (or anyone) is eating, and don't put pressure on them or threaten them to eat. Avoid commenting on these topics for anyone else at the table as well. Teens with eating disorders already experience extreme stress and anxiety at meals, so taking the attention away from food/body is key.

Being mindful of the language you use around food, eating, and body size goes a long way to show your teens that you support them. Everyday activities, such as eating, will be very challenging for them. Offering this unconditional support shows them that no matter how hard it is, you’ll be there with them.

If you know a teen struggling with an eating disorder, Aterra Nutrition offers virtual nutrition counseling and support for eating disorder recovery. We offer one on one nutrition counseling for those in DC, Maryland, Virginia, West Virginia, New Jersey, and Michigan. Virtual coaching and support groups are also offered and available worldwide. Learn more about Eating Disorder Recovery for Teens here.

About the Authors

Cristina Luibil, MS, RD, LDN specializes in eating disorder recovery and Intuitive Eating at Aterra Nutrition, providing virtual nutrition counseling for those in DC, Maryland, Virginia, West Virginia, New Jersey, and Michigan. This post was researched and written in conjunction with Sabrina Stadelman, dietetics student and nutrition assistant at Aterra Nutrition. Learn more about our team.

Disclaimer: The information shared in this blog is for general educational and informational purposes only. It may not be tailored to your specific health needs as it is written here. This content is not intended to replace personalized medical advice, nutrition counseling, or medical nutrition therapy. Any recipes or suggestions provided are meant to inspire and should be used at your discretion. Always consult with your own registered dietitian, physician, or healthcare provider before making changes to your nutrition, lifestyle, or treatment plan. If you choose,

Aterra Nutrition would be happy to help you in your individual nutrition and Intuitive Eating goals.